Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
