I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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