if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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