atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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