It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
