Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
