What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
