she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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