if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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