check it out our google latitudes are spooning
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize