Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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