Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize