I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
