I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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