Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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