Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
