My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
