Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
