Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
