I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
