Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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