Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
