"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
