I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
