Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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