Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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