So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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