bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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