Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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