cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Is it because I queefed?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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