she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
