it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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