I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
