Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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