By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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