That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Randomize
