apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
