Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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