Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
