You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
