im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
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