her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
