Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize