Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
