so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You left your phone here
Wait...
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