Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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