Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
