totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
