TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
