so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
50% drunk capacity currently
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
