whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
