A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
