We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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