I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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