It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
