We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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