It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
