some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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