Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
