This is not my ceiling
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
