we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
