he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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