for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
