The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
