I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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