There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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