3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
