did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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