If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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