i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
