I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
