walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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