We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Randomize
