Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize