There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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