The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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