I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
