Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
