I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
